The death of someone close to us is one of the hardest things that we can experience in this life. We have to say good-bye to someone we love dearly. We don’t just get over it. We have to take time it and process the depth of the loss. Funerals are designed to help us process these losses in the presence of God and friends. Funerals are one of the few times in our culture where we stop to process our emotions and allow people to cry things out.
Unfortunately, there are many other times that we experience grief where we do not process it. We might not notice the fact that we are dealing with grief and sadness. Occasions of grief are transitions of family members, our own transitions, our own sins, sins of others, losses of jobs, losses of dreams or visions, losses of friendship, divorce, broken relationships, loss of opportunities, and much more.
What happens when we don’t process it? It stays there as a continual irritation. We struggle and don’t make the transition to a new place, opportunity, or situation. We lose the ability to meet people and things as they are and where they are.
Life is a series of good-byes, and we need to learn to say good-bye well. A few years ago, I was talking with someone about their family situation. They wished that their family were different. I asked this person, has your family ever been different? They said, “no.” I said to them, “I think you have had a dream for your family, and that dream was never realized. You need to accept the pain of the loss of the good family you had hoped for and wanted to have. Then, you can transition to accept the family that you actually have.” They actually set aside time to do this. They grieved the loss they had experienced from their family, and this enabled them to move forward with a new reality.
In our Psalm (6), we have that sort of experience. The Psalmist is writing about a time when he had to transition to a much more difficult time. He had to say good-bye to his home, family, and comforts. This caused him tears. “I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears” (Psalm 6:6). Tears are God’s gift to enable us to process loss.
In times of loss, we may feel like God is against us. That’s exactly what the Psalmist felt. “Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath” (Psalm 6:1). The Psalmist felt the anger of the Lord, and so he went to the Lord to talk about it. Notice that the Psalmist expressed his thoughts directly to the Lord. Sometimes when we feel like God is against us, we speak to others about God. Through this Psalm, God invites us to come and share our thoughts with Him, to come boldly to the throne of grace.
One of the most helpful things is to cry in front of others. Remember that this psalm is not just a private prayer. It is meant to be a song of the church. It was the psalmist’s way of processing his grief before the Lord and before people.
And what was the result of crying it out and crying out to the Lord? “The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer” (6:9). He had a sense that the future would turn out OK. He had a sense that God was for him. He had a sense that he could move forward.
That’s what can happen to us, too. I have found this axiom to be true: what comes to the light heals, what stays in the dark hurts. The things that we process by giving attention to them will begin to heal. As long as they stay in our hearts or as long as we don’t grieve them, they tend to keep hurting us. Bringing the grief to light can help us begin a healing process.
So, it’s worth considering when we are struggling, is my anger or worry the result of grief? Have I lost something that I am missing? If so, it’s time to cry it out. This is God’s gift to help us move forward. Gather a couple of friends. Seek the Lord. It may not happen immediately, but we can move forward with the loss. The pain sometimes never completely goes away, but we can still move forward in service and a greater confidence in the future through God’s grace by embracing His grieving process.
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